I leave today!

Yes, I leave for my flight of death. I may be blogging on holiday. Maybe. Comment lots and lots! Someone have a fight! Errr...Rachel was bitching about someone today...hehehehe...


EDIT: I'll miss you guys. Bye.

Before The English Exam

And once again, I'm nervous. Damn not being allowed out texts in the exam! Blah. Going to get a C in Blake and DOAS which'll drag me down to a B because I bet I get an A in Pride and Prejudice. Blah.

Some thank yous.

I would like to say a BIG, BIG thank you to Emily, Charlie and Caz. Thank you SO, SO much for praying me. You three rock. =P

Oh, and I guess some of you are wondering how the exam went.

Memory: Damn you eyewitness testimony! WHY WERE YOU NOT THE ESSAY QUESTION?! I kind of ran out of A02 information to write for the essay, so that's 10 marks down the drain - I'm assuming I got at least 2 of the A02 marks.

Attachment: Oh blah...day care came up and so, that meant 6 makrs down the drain. The essay question was on Bowlby - hmm. I don't think I did THAT bad. The a part was piss easy. Hopefully I got around 20 out of 30.

Stress: So, stress. The SRRS came up as part B...noooo! I knew that inside out. In fact, I spent too much time writing about it. The essay was on role of gender and personality in modifying the effects of stressors. Not bad, only got one point for personality. Couldn't remember any psychologist's names for gender. Ah well.

Abnormality: The essay question was "one or more psychological explanations of eating disorders". I wrote about the psychodynamic model and then brought the cognitive model in to say how that contradicted the psychodynamic model of abnormality. Not too sure how I did.

Social Influence: Well, parts a and b were alright. I reckon I could only have got like 4 marks out of 6 for part b. Really found it difficult to think of many findings that Asch gained. The essay was on ethical issues. I only wrote about 5 of the ethical guidelines and wrote about how Milgram, Zimbardo and Moscovici followed them. I was quite confused about where I was getting my A02 marks but whatever.

Research Methods: I got to draw a cool table! Actually, the table completely sucked but I still bet I got full marks for it. This was the easiest paper. I left out a 2 mark question, which annoyed me. Just couldn't think of what to write.

So, overall, I'm not that disappointed. I can't do anything to change what happened so whatever.

Psychology exam.

I feel SO sick. I wish I'd bothered revising 3 weeks ago instead of 3 days ago. My stomach is doing cartwheels. I'm eating cookies and all I can think about is failing. I need help. Someone help me!

EDIT: I think I was actually more stressed because I'm scraed of what my parents will think/do when I fail. However, both have been really supportive. My mum just phoned to tell me to keep calm, pray and revise. My dad just gave me a nice talk this morning, which was cool. So, I'm confident. I've revised quite a bit and I've prayed to God. It's up to him and my brain to pull me through, now. Thank you for anyone who has said a prayer for me. You rock.

Elite Torrents is gone!! NOOOO!!

NOOO! MY GORGEOUS TORRENT SITE! DAMN YOU AMERICAN WANKERS!!!

The day after my second Star Wars: Episode 3 viewing

Saturday 20th May

Woke up with Dave and Sam. REALLY didn't want to bother going out - I just could not be bothered. But then I remembered that I'd get to see Charlie - yay! So that cheered me up and I had a shower. Me, Dave and Sam played Melee - again. :D Listened to music while playing.

Around 10:45, we decided to leave mine. Dave went home, me and Sam caught a bus into Uxbridge. No idea what bus we got. We got in and walked through, then out of the Chimes to see Marriott and Rachel walking and talking, then behind them - Graham and Ian. So I went to draw out some money for my dad - and me. Yay. Went back to the station, saw everyone there(Emily, Charlie, Caz, Sam, Rachel, Graham, Marriott and Ian). I bought my travel card and the rest bought what they needed. I was pretty positive about the day but my gosh, was that view going to change.

So, we got on our train. Caz sat on a seat on her own at the back whilst Marriott and Sam sat next to each other on the seat which was next to Caz, with a space in between the two seats. I sat in front of Marriott and Sam then Charlie joined me. Graham and Ian sat opposite us. In front of Caz, was Rachel and opposite Rachel was Emily. Around 2 minutes into the train journey, a few of us had our music players out - Charlie, me, Caz, Emily, Rachel and Ian. I'm not sure about Graham. Charlie switched seats and sat next to Graham, so I just stretched my legs on my lovely 3 seater seat which only had me on. I was tempted to just move and sit next to Caz, but decided against it. Not sure why. I listened to mostly emo stuff - Taking Back Sunday, Fall Out Boy, Brand New, Sugarcult. Think they matched my mood or something. I heard "Jude Law and a Semester Abroad" and thought "hah - that could be my plane".

At our destination, Harrow, we all got off and went through the ticket checking things. I ended up taking lead, everyone dropped back. Yay - leaving me alone again. Fun. Once we had entered the shopping center, Sam joined me. We went out to the other side of the center and Sam went in search of a bank. I just stood on my lonesome. Charlie and Emily went into Halifax, so I picked up some leaflets about setting up a new account. Came out of there and bored. Spotted Clinton's Cards, told Caz I was going there, she came, I bought my cousin her birthday card and then got a Star Wars poster - Obi-Wan and Anakin dueling. It looks really cool. So I went back to the group and everyone was reunited. Awww. We then went back to Clinton's because people wanted to see what poster I'd got - well, Sam and Marriott did. No-one else cared. Everyone seemed fascinated with Yoda. Then Charlie showed me the big "Me To You" bear and was like "buy it for me". I laughed and said "I would if I had the money", to which she replied "Don't be silly!" Do girls make sense to you? o.0 Anyway, we left and went to the other shopping center. Started raining ever so slightly. I wasn't getting wet, but you could see it. Me, Sam, Caz and Marriott were going to the guitar shop but the rest(Graham, Charlie, Emily, Rachel and Ian) went into the other shopping center. Thanks for ditching us guys. And yes, they ditched us because we told them before we split where the destination was. It was only 20 metres away! Probably too vein to get themselves wet. Maybe I'm being too harsh. Whatever, they went in there and to the Guitar Shop we went. Spent around 15/20 minutes in there, Marriott bought something, then left. We went to the shopping center to meet them, Sam phoned and they were at a little cafe thing. We sat there for a while and after like 10 minutes, we decided on food and that we'd check what was upstairs. No-one got up, so I got pissed and stood up. Found a a sweet on a table. Marriott and Sam were on the escalator, I threw it up, aiming for them but missed - it pass right in front of Sam's face. So we all went up and saw these blacks kids. I felt kind of up for a fight. Anyway, we looked and saw McDonalds. Eurgh. Burger King it was. However, before actually going there we went into HMV. We saw lots of stuff but no-one brought anything. Then into Topshop which was next to HMV. The girls took AGES, which was like 35 minutes. Topshop sucks. It sells cool stuff but at stupidly expensive prices. For example, a t-shirt is £25! It was like 1:30 now, I believe. Went up for Burger King. Me and Sam went to buy our food, then the guys cleverly got a table which seated 8. The problem with that? There was 9 of us. I suggested to Sam we take a new table and that we did. Charlie and Rach said they'd stand but honestly - do you think me and Sam would let them? No, so we took our table. I am ALWAYS the one on the outcast table. It's always me! Grrr! Not that you care, but oh well. Charlie came over, telling us to sit at the table and Sam got angry, speaking in a rather mean tone of voice that there was no space. I felt sorry for her. She went off to the bathroom, Caz followed. Meh. Sam apologized afterwards. Caz and Marriott then joined me and Sam. Fair enough. They made for good conversation. Glad some people bothered. We left BK to go to MVC. We went through the shopping center to Greggs. I scared some pigeons, Charlie went into Greggs as the nice weather stayed upon us. Then Rachel said that she'd got a call saying the rain was heading our way. We laughed. Charlie got bored waiting in Greggs so we went into Burton - by my choosing. Ha ha! I looked and found nothing. Everyone was kind of fed-up so again I looked around on my own. Yay! Marriott, Sam and Caz sat at the back. Rach, Emily, Charlie, Graham and Ian sat on the steps in the middle of the shops. We left after some time in there and it was pouring down with rain. I was last to leave. I thought everyone was going to the guitar shop - since we had just talked about it. But noooo! Only me, Sam, Rachel and Marriott went. That annoyed me - where the fuck was everyone else? We spent like 5 minutes in there then walked up. We found them up there. I couldn't be bothered to even ask why they hadn't gone to the guitar shop; what was the point? MVC wasn't there, anyway, think the whole branch must have close. It had also stopped raining so hard - damn rain! So we set off for the train station to go back to Uxbridge. Marriott and Caz ran off in front. I followed them on my own - yay! Notice a pattern? The others trailed behind. I nearly got killed crossing the road by two buses - ah! I'm not ready to die, yet!

So, to the station we went where we met Mark. We took him back to Uxbridge. I got to share a seat with Ian - he's cool. Rachel sat with Marriott. Emily sat opposite me and Ian. Charlie and Graham sat on the seat opposite Rach. Caz sat and leant against the back of Emily's seat. Marriott soon ditched Rachel to go and sit next to Caz. That was harsh, I thought. But nonetheless; owned, she was. I felt pretty lonely on the train - no-one talked to me, except Ian. Then I switched seats to sit next to Emily because she's cooler than Ian. Ian wrote 'loser' with an arrow pointing towards me on the steamed-up window. So I kicked him in the balls(plural). He got payback by crushing my left ball against my leg. OW!!!! That hurt for like 10 minutes. Marriott got up saying he 'felt' that - which is proof of how much it hurt. Anyway, after a boring train journey back, we all got off. Rachel announced she was going to watch the game - or, at least she did to me, Marriott and Sam. The rest never heard - as evident by Emily's blog and Caz's testimony that she didn't know where Rachel had gone.

Then outside the train station, I said I was going to Clinton's to everyone and for some reason, Mark and Charlie had already gone off in the direction of the Pavillions. I then learnt that they were off to Greggs so she could get some food - might have been nice to tell the rest of us, eh? It was 2:40 now, anyway. I had to be home for 3 to watch the game - FA Cup Final and Manchester United. So then I went off to Clinton's, Sam and Caz came with me - Marriott went home. Graham, Emily and Ian went with Charlie and Mark. Meh. I don't even get why the split happened! To be informed once in a while wouldn't hurt! So off to Clinton's we went. I bought my cards. Then we went to Burton, then onto the Odeon! I argued my case to the Stormtrooper poster since I hadn't got it but the knob who filled my card out when I got the Yoda one had marked it off. I was in the right, I didn't even have the right amount of tickets before. So they refused to give me the poster so they asked if I wished to speak to the manager. So I said yes, and waited. They ended up just giving me the poster and the manager did not come. Onto Sainsbury's! I expected the rest of them to give us a call to say they'd meet up with us - but nothing came. So I text Charlie saying we were off to Sainsbury's and we're going home after. Sam split with us at the A10 bus stop. In Sainbury's, found Dave and talked to him for a bit. Then phoned mum and she started getting angry at me for not being home - it was 3pm. Then Charlie came up behind me, started tickling me then hugged me. I ranted back at my mum, we parted on "okay" terms and that was the end of that call. Charlie was still hugging me so I unwrapped her arms and turned around to hug her. It was a pretty long hug - I didn't wanna let go; the day had been shit. We all then went over to Dave - although Stephen and Mark saw no point in doing so since me and Caz had already seen him. Whatever. Anyway, spent 10 minutes or so with him then we left. Something was bought - but I don't remember what. I think it was even me who bought it. o.0 Anyway, we head to the bus station. Hugged Stephen, Mark and then Charlie. Blah, didn't get that good a hug. Me and Caz ran for our bus - U5. I ran a like a spastic because I'm odd like that.

Boarded the bus and as the doors closed, they walked past. The bus journey was alright - me and Caz had a cool conversation. Don't think I even bothered to discuss the day - I really could not be bothered. Caz got off at her stop and I got off at mine.

I went home, and it was half-time. Watched the match then decided I'd wait for Dave to go to Caz's. Then I came online and Dave said he wasn't ready and wouldn't be for some time. I left at 7, and ended up getting him as I went. Me and Dave were slightly late for the showing of Episode 1 which Caz had on video. Frankee was on the sofa, Graham and Charlie were on the other. Frankee talked quite a bit through the film - which pissed me off but I didn't mind in the end, because he is like 8 or something. Graham didn't even bother watching the film so he kept asking what was going on. Anyway, Episode 1 had a cool lightsaber battle which involved Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi fighting against Darth Maul. When Episode 1 finished, the boredom truly kicked in. We listened to music, Caz sat on a chair looking lonely, Charlie and Graham pissed around and me and Dave chatted. Then people decided to give Dave a massage - well me, and Graham. It hurt him quite badly. Poor kid. Then Charlie clicked backs. Dave didn't click at all though. Apparently, the more times you click, the more stressed you are. So Dave not clicking made NO sense. I clicked 15 times, apparently. I didn't hear or feel them. Probably "stressed" from the shit day. The highlight was a fucking light-saber battle! 10:30, me and Dave left. I ran off with Caz's broom, Caz ran after me and Dave behind her. I slowed at the church. Firstly, I was tired and second, a main road was just ahead. We were all tired from running, actually. I gave Caz the broom back but she didn't really want to go back because she thought Graham and Charlie would be kissing - which was something she didn't wish to interrupt. She went back, anyway. Me and Dave went to mine - he was sleeping, again. Don't even remember but Dave fell asleep around 1am. I stayed up 'til 2:15. No idea what the hell I was doing.

[/Saturday]

The Friday I saw Star Wars again.

I'll say something about Thursday quickly. School was boring and I never thought it'd end. I went to see the 17:30 showing of Star Wars. It rocks!!! Basically, go and see it. Went with mother and I don't regret that at all. Well, except that she got annoyed I was text messaging Charlie. Anyway, Obi-Wan rules and Windu pwns, too. The film was very good. Rather dull audience, though. Meh. Oh and I nearly shed a tear.

Friday Night

Well, when I got home the rush started. I was going to shower but then my dad took his time washing his hands. Around 10 past, I finally managed to get it. Quick shower, changed and then Dave came at 4:25. He'd eaten and changed clothes. *teh shock* Uber Dave! Sam came around 4:35. Got a lift at quarter to off my dad. Went to Caz's, picked her up and then off to the cinema! My dad took the U5's bus route. Blah. Dropped us off outside Debenhams and we went into the cinema - Charlie had been waiting for 15 mintues. =O She was early! Rachel and Craig then came and soon after, Graham. He didn't look happy and then walked off to the Odeon shop. Still no word. It was like 5:15 now. So we all got our drinks and food. Then we went in and seat order was:

Graham | Caz | Charlie | me | Dave | Sam

Rachel and Craig sat at the front. No idea why - they looked lonely. Graham was pretty much quiet all the way through and when I offered him some Doritos he looked emo/pissed so I didn't bother to offer again. That created an emo aura over there, as illustrated by Caz telling me that she wished I was sitting where she was. I had a good time, overall; the movie rocked. Again. Upon leaving the cinema, I claimed my Yoda poster. Caz and Charlie wanted it and as my best friends, I nearly gave it to one of them but I held out! w00t! We left Rachel, Craig and Dave went to wait for Rachel's dad to pick Craig up. Then we all ended up joining them after around 15 minutes because we got bored. Rachel's dad soon came and we were on our way to Jack's Fish and Chips. On the way there we were split socially;

1. Sam, Dave and Rachel led.
2. Me and Caz were walking behind.
3. Graham and Charlie lingered behind with Caz drifting back to talk to them, leaving me alone. Heh, great fun being alone. >.>

When we got to Jack's, we saw Dain, Jon and Ian. We all started walking up and then down Kingston. Rachel, Dain and Jon went ahead and Rachel looked like she was spreading herself to match their needs - take it how you want. Ian stayed back with us(Dave, Charlie, me, Sam, Caz and Graham). They went off into Brunel, which I'm sure they're not allowed to do but whatever. We marched onto mine.

Into mine we went and I have no idea where anyone sat straight away. Sometime into the night, Caz and Charlie got into bed together, I went and Sat on the end, Graham ended up lying on the sofa, Dave was sitting on a chair and so was Sam. As Caz said, Graham kind of secluded himself on the sofa and left at 10:15. That was lame, but whatever. Dave ended up getting into bed and Charlie got out. I assumed the PC chair and Sam was still on the other chair. We just listened to music and chatted. Charlie went to sat on me but said that she "might crush me" - WTF?! She's not heavy. o.0 Anyway, don't remember much of the night. Caz's mum was late to pick Caz and Charlie up - came around 11:30. It was cool anyway, I was left with my 3 best friends and a cool friend, Sam. Sam and Dave slept. We tried watching A New Hope but we all fell asleep around 1:30. Dave stayed up the longest and turned it off when he realised he was feeling sleep.

Yay - me and Dave had a wicked day! =P

Wednesday 18th May

One song I think that you all have to listen to is Sugarcult's song "Pretty Girl". I'm still trying to unwrap the song in it's entirety.

Anyway today rocked. So far. Caz came by in the morning and we had a cool time together until 8:35. Just chatted, ate breakfast and listened to music. Englihs - had a timed P&P question which miss thought was easy. No way! Marriott thought it was "okay" and Dave agreed with me that it was hard. Philosophy next - wahoo! Not. Went over The Problem of Evil, kind of. It was an essay plan on the problem of evil. Boring. She gave us a cool revision booklet, too. Break where I talked to Caz quickly and learned that she left her cooking ingredients at mine. And then, I spent the rest of my time trying to hit this pigeon. I tried to hit it with a jaffa cake and some things from a tree. I also crept up on it and scared the crap out of it. Damn, I did look like a weirdo in my hot pink shirt with lime green tie chasing a pigeon! :D Next was psychology. Miss couldn't really be bothered. She looked so tired; poor women. Lizzie ended up crying because we got onto talking about the stress that's happening to us. She's getting homework STILL and has 4 exams next week. o.0 She hasn't started revision yet. She has a problem. She doesn't relax either because she thinks that she's missing out on time which she could spend revising. Fair point, but we all have to just chill out. Miss let us go 5 minutes early and Marriott said he'd come to mine to get Caz's ingredients then walk with me back to mine. So he did that. I went in and got changed to go to Uxbridge. Went to Dave's around 1:30. We caught a U5 and got into Uxbridge. Went around to various shops and had some really, really cool conversations about everything and everyone. Yes, we did talk about you. And everyone else we knew. Why the hell not? I bought a new bible, Lego Star Wars and traded in my GBA and Mario Party 4. I also got Nuts. Blah, blah - I'm a pervert. I don't care what you think. Dave bought the gel I use, a card for his grand father's birthday and Brand New's album "Your Favourite Weapon". The bus home was fun, we got a U2. First of all, these black kids were on the bus (around 19) causing havoc. The bus driver wanted one of them to get off because he was rude and apparently they cheated on the bus passes by using 1 for 2 people. They all got off in the end. Hooray! Around 3:40 we left Uxbridge. These 3 year 7 kids got on at some stop and sat at the back. 2 of them were telling one of them not to go to Bishopshalt. I randomly butted in and said "Come to Bishopshalt! It rocks". The 2 who were trying to stop the boy from going to Bishopshalt continued. Then they randomly said "hah! You're wearing a pink shirt!" I was like "yeah, so?" Then they asked if me and Dave were gay. Me and Dave both said yeah. So then they all squashed up next to each other and it's like "wtf? Isn't that 'gayer' than just sitting next to someone and saying you're gay?" Whatever. They kept asking stupid questions like "who wears the thong?" and "do you have a dildo?" Bleh, idiots.

Got off U2, went to mine where Dave stayed until 5:20. He came back around 6:15 and ended up staying 'til 8:30 We played Melee and stuff. 'Twas cool hanging with Dave - he's great. Just chatted online 'til I went to bed. Charlie got some of my text messages around 8 hours after I'd sent. Her phone sucks and hates me. Blah. Went to bed rather uneasy.

Marriott signed up to blogger! Hooray!

Yay! Finally.

I'm pissed with it all.

This country, the NHS, my parents and whatever else. I'm just fed up with being the one to suffer. Yeah, blah blah I'm emo - I don't care. What's getting me down? Well, let's start with something that is going to drastically change my life. My parents are both going to lose their jobs - hooray! Both are ward managers and both of their wards are closing down. My dad's put 35 years into the NHS and my mum's put in 32 years. Now you pay them back by letting them go? Are you fucking kidding me?

Next point; God. My spiritual life is fucked. I can't pray. You can tell me to concentrate all you want - it's just not happening. I tried praying for Rach to do well in her sports thing the other day and I found it so hard. I started four prayers "Dear God, please let Rachel do well today..." and then I lost any will to carry on. I need help. I used to pray thanking God at least twice a day. Blah.

My friends. Sure, I think I have good friendships but do I? Look at me and Graham - we're constantly arguing. Me and Rachel; what friendship? Me and Luke is a good example, I threw that "good friendship" away. All Rachel's fault.

My PC; always has problems. Hmm...

And whatever else. So pissed at stuff. Oh, and parents are constantly pissed at me. -_-

What emo song am I?

You are "Cute without the E" by Taking Back Sunday. You have been hurt in the past and it's messed with your head quite a bit. You care about your friends more than anything in the world, and tend to have mood swings, you go from overly happy to overly depressed very quickly. You love and refuse to stop believing in the people you love - you can't let them go.

Quick summary of last week.

Monday

• Timed Ethics paper on Situation Ethics.
• Timed History(English Civil War) paper.
• Timed Psychology essay question.

That's about it for Monday. I done the usual too; went online, chatted, ate stuff. Blah.

Tuesday

• Timed English(Pride and Prejudice) paper.
• Timed History(Garibaldi) essay.

Along with the usual. Spoke to Dave quite a bit. He was at pissed at Rachel for her "being ill" and not going swimming. According to Caz, she was perfectly fine at athletics, bar when Marriott gave her a lift back. Anyway, phoned Caz around 10.

Wednesday

• Timed History(Civil War) paper.

Finished school at 12:30. So I done some random stuff at home.Around 3:20, I started walking to Charlie's. Had already text Charlie twice by the time I'd got to Ryefield (around 3:55). I didn't wanna go to hers, because I thought it'd be rude. I walked past Marriott's, considered knocking but he'd probably have thought me rude for interrupting whatever he was up to. So I walked onto Oakley and then down to the Nature Reserve. Just sat on a tree; 'twas pretty cold so I snuggled up against the tree and listened to my MiniDisc player. Around 4:20, I got rather bored there. So I jumped off the tree, out of the "nature reserve" and walked down Emily's road. Still no text from Charlie, so I thought "well she's obviously not home or something so I'll go see Marriott then go home". Went from Emily's road onto Charlie's (Floriston) then walked like 5 metres when I heard Kariss calling me. Dunno how I heard her; I had both head phones in at near full volume. Kariss called me back to her house; Sam Knight was there. She said "she's on the phone to Graham". I said "alright, I'll let her finish or whatever. I'm going to see a friend around the corner". Felt kinda rude but meh. Went to Marriott's and when I knocked he was on the phone to Rach. I couldn't be bothered to make him hang up or try and split his attention so I told him I was just saying hi. Left there within a few minutes. I think I miss out on after school calls... Anyway, went back to Charlie's. Sam Knight had gone, Kariss was inside and the door was shut. Charlie opened the door, still on the phone. I said I'd walk around and let her finish and I'd be back in 15 minutes at 4:45pm. She pulled me in then say "bye hun, hope you feel better" to Graham and hung up. I didn't even know something was wrong with Graham; unless it's just the usual, anyway. I was just gonna drop the history notes off but she said I could stay - w00t. She said we could go down to the lodge. So we went down there but first, Kariss insisted I play football with her. It should have been 11 - 9 to me, but my last two goals didn't count because she had called "time". Anyway, she scoredafter my two weren't allowed. So she won 10 - 9, since it was first to 10. Blah, I lost to a 10 year old. Stopped playing and went into the lodge. Tried going over her GCSE history course but I don't remember much - lol. All I remember is Ireland, Vietnam and the Schlieffen Plan. None of which was really helpful, she wanted me to help with The League of Nations. Hah. Just ended up talking about random stuff in the end. I suck. >.> Around 5:30, she kicked me out to eat and then to pick Mark up. Had a few hugs at the door, walked to Marriott's, said goodbye to him and was about to turn the corner when I saw Isabella. Talked to her quickly, then waited around 20 minutes for the next U2 to come. That bus is awful. What sucked even more was there was one right behind it. Got home at some time then just went on the PC. After eating, went to bed at 11.

Thursday

I don't remember much from Thursday. Erm, I missed the morning because of an orthodontist appointment. Went in for P4 and P5. In psychology, there was an optional essay. I wasn't in for the morning, so I didn't do it. After school was probably the same old stuff. My life is SO dull. :S Oh wait, no. Charlie was groudned. That's all I remember. That was only because I checked my blog.

Friday

Normal Friday at school, but the guys came round period 3 and lunch. Ethics was last period and she never showed up the whole way through. So me, Dave, Marriott, Graham, Rosie and someone else discussed weird stuff. Like lesbians and stuff. Ahem. Anyway, went home and on the PC, I went. Dave, Graham and Rachel came at 6:20, even though I said 7. They're so ignorant of what I say. Sam came straight after, basically. Charlie was grounded. We started watching The Butterfly Effect around 8, Caz and Marriott came around 8:30pm. Finished around 10. Made me cry at the end. Err, the guys all left between 11 - 11:30. Talked to the guys online. Well, Charlie went off around 11:20 and Dave slept round. Again. Marriott, Rachel and Graham were on.

I might post Saturday up soon. I have work to do now. Bye. =P

Another quiz.

Just so you all know, I'm making a really hard quiz...I wanna match Caz's for hardness.

EDIT: Charlie's was also quite hard. Hm.

Click this to go the quiz, anyway. It's not as easy as the last.

I am the chosen one.

I don't chase after power. I said love, you n00b-ish quiz.

Saturday 7th May

Woke up at like 10:30. Decided I wasn't going to go into Uxbridge any time soon. So I took my time at getting ready and stuff. Even ate some toast. I was ready by 11:30. *major sigh* I had the option of going into Uxbridge and waiting for/meeting Caz and Marriott. But I really didn't want to be an outcast. So, I went online to chat to people. I only remember Charlie and Dave. Then Charlie randomly disappeared(which would be were she went off to go out with Graham), which left me and Dave to chat. I just chatted about some worries of mine and Dave chatted about some stuff on his mind. Got a text from Caz at 1 saying "where are you?", so I told her I was at home. He went off around 1:20pm and I was annoyed that Sam hadn't contacted me in some way. Dave thought he might have got hit by a bus. Lol... Anyway, I listened to music and arranged some school notes - on a Saturday for fuck sake. *ahem* Then at 2 Caz text me saying "are you in Uxbridge yet?" Obviously, I wasn't.

Then 2:20 came with no word from Sam so I thought 'fuck it' and left for Uxbridge. Caught the fun bus in...waaaaaaahoooooo! Not. Went to HMV, then FCUK, then Books Etc, then CD Warehouse and finally on to WHSmiths to meet Marriott and Caz. Got told that Mark was just paying for something - it was 2:35 by now. So we went off where it resulted in Marriott and Caz being all close with me and Mark just chatting about stuff. Where the hell was everyone else?! Anyway, Mark's pretty cool but he's a n00b. Heh. =P Went on to "MVC" but got to Argos and realised it had closed. Caz had caught up to us and she was like "where to now?" I asked her to decide but she said "NO!" so I said GAME and she groaned. Don't females just piss you off sometimes? Saw nothing of interest in GAME so I suggested we go to Sainsbury's. Started walking, then outside The pavilions Caz run off to some guys. They looked around 18/19. So she pissed me off because she took around 10 minutes with them. Into Woolworths we went where Caz and Marriott clung to each other, again. Errr, she bought an Orlando Bloom calendar because she thinks he's hot and it was a 25p calendar. What is the point of buying a calendar because of the looks of the person in it?! Anyway...went onto Sainsbury's and saw Dave. Me and Caz had a race to him and I started shouting "I found him first!" which led to Dave telling me to shut up because the store manager was down the aisle. Whoops. So I walked back out of that aisle to look at the hair gel. Then I saw some funky shampoo and bought it - only £1.69. It's "cool melon", mmm! Me, Mark, Caz and Marriott hung out there then went to see Dave and he wasn't too interested in us so we just left. Onto Boots through the back entrance of The Chimes we went. Nothing interesting there. Mark decided he was going to go home. So, Me, Marriott and Caz walked back to mine - didn't we? Oh no! We took Mark to the station, he went through and then the three of us caught the chav bus (u3). Went back to mine, more Marriott-Caz flirting. Didn't I have fun *rolls eyes* Marriott got together some directions for the gig they were playing tonight, I printed two maps. Marriott left at 5, or something like that. Then the woman who organized our flights to Bangkok came up. She started ordering me about to do crap. I got so annoyed with her. Then my mum, dad and her husband came up. I looked up hotels in Bangkok. STUPID BITCH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SORTED THIS OUT! NOT ME! So, they kept me delayed until 6 despite my fucking protests to get ready. So when Caz's mum came at 6, I was not ready. I delayed us by 5 minutes and Graham came sometime from when I started getting ready to getting in the car. Don't know why or care, to be honest. He got a lift with us, anyway.

So, next destination; Emily's! I phoned her at the top of Long Lane to tell her to be ready. We got her and drove on to Eastcote Community Centre. I finished my long overdue text to Charlie on the bridge. Heh. I still remember my way there, even though I haven't been since last August. Gave some hugs - Stephen, DT, Carol, Peter. Maybe some others, don't remember. Joy gave off a cold attitude, as per with her. Didn't much care. Saw Charlie, gave a hug, then she grabbed my hand and took me out into the garden bit outside the hall. We had a hearty conversation which mostly consisted of us hugging each other...great conversation, eh? She was basically concerned with how I was. After our talk, she went in with Caz and Faye to the toilets, taking my bag, to get changed into my green shirt. Hugged Rach, said hey to Dave's parents and saw Marriott, Sam and Dave preparing. Charlie came out of the toilets wearing my shirt (*jealous/drools*), hugged her, went to get my bag off Caz, took camera out and then went into the main bit. Before As It Were started, Siobhan came and Caz intro'd us. She was very quiet. I took a seat next to the parents because that was the better angle to film the band. They played:

• Local Dramatics Society.
  
• 151.
• My Autumn Thesis.
• The Last Time
  
• Only You.
• Anthem Part Two (encore)

They were REALLY good. I love this band! The addition of Charlie makes them sound complete. She was amazing on the night; her nerves went away when she got into it. Rach was good, too. I liked her intro to "Only You" - 'twas really good. Dave just rocks, as always. He's a fantastic guitarist. Sam swung his bass awesomely and carried the songs. Marriott pwned on "The Last Time" and AP2. He actually went crazy on AP2...damn schizo. Had a cool night recording them. Err, when SS were playing, the band sat at the front. Attention whores!! Anyway, I stayed with Siobhan, Caz, Graham, Emily and Ian. Charlie came over eventually and so did Dave. Messed around with both of them every so often. Just to add; Soulseeker sucked - AIW pwned the night. While SS played, I mainly talked to Siobhan, Ian, Dave and Charlie. I nearly cried when SS announced an encore. So, finally, when they finished we got some light and a group of the teens just sat down together. Faye joined us too. I messed around on bluetooth. Dave was allowed to sleep, wahoo! Then Dave's parents offered me and him a lift home. I gave Siobhan my number, and she said she'd contact me later. Gave Charlie a big hug - hugs with her are awesome. =P Said bye to Rach, she didn't much care. Her head was too concerned with other things. Marriott and Sam were cool. I don't remember what happened of Graham and Caz. Except, I know they left after us. In the car back, Graham phoned saying he'd forgotten to get his keys and jacket off me so he's come by mine to get it. Me and Dave got back, dunno what we did. Graham and Caz came like 15 minutes later. I gave Graham his stuff and away they went. Me and Dave had a cool night. We meld. I beat him twice. (right, Dave?) Ended up speaking to Charlie a bit before, after and during the interval of the two matches. Graham was on but we didn't speak. Went so sleep in a decent mood.

The film I saw tonight.

Blah. Just Saw "The Butterfly Effect" and it's a pretty good film. Rather errr, emo? Depressing and crap. Yeah, this guy had childhood problems and tried to keep going back to points in his life to try and fix it. Well, he tried a few times and failed. In the end he decided to kill himself. Great; although it was an original way to kill yourself. I'll give him that.

Typing this on WordPad, yay... Errr...

So you feel safe knowing what's on my mind.

It's Charlie, but what's different? =P

Well, I'm really concerned about her. I just got a text from her announcing that she won't be out this weekend. I'm worried about how she is, but she's not replying to my text message so I can't do much more. I could phone her, but my parents would kill me for using the phone, she might be asleep by now or her parents would kill her. Whatever. I hope she's okay and I really hope she can make it out this weekend. :(

Friday 6th May

Okay, so I took Friday off school...4 days of no school, w00t! Anyway, I woke up at 9ish, went to the hospital at 10:30 waited until like 11 and then got told I was fine! Yay! So, upon coming back me and my dad decided it'd be more beneficial to me to just take the afternoon off school to revise. So, that I did! Just a bit of history. Not that I remember it now...crap. Got the PC delivered like as soon as we got back, but well done Dell, just create another problem - a memory reference error. So, I went on the laptop and my friends were on, yay! Well, Dave, Graham and Emily.

Chatted to them until 5:40pm, when I left to walk to Charlie's. Caz had already got a lift to Marriott's. It was a pretty cold walk there, but my MD player kept me warm and happy. I'd just gone down the alley on Marriott's road and walked literally 3 metres when I saw Charlie's parents, Kariss and Charlie about to get into the car. I shouted "Charlie" and they saw me. They were going to mine! Now, wouldn't that have been stupid? Me going to hers, and her going to mine. Anyway, I jumped in, we went down to Marriott's, picked Caz up and went on to Girl's Brigade, where we dropped Kariss off.

Charlie's dad drove us to mine and I text Graham/Dave almost instantly to come to mine. They'd been at the end of my road and saw Charlie's car. They thought it was just Charlie and me, so decided to wait before knocking until I text him. They thought I'd want to spend some time alone with her, and exclude them. Blah at you guys. Little did they know we were not alone. Anyway, when they came in that made 6 of us; me, Charlie, Dave, Caz, Rachel and Graham. Then Sam came. We spent most of the night listening to Brand New. Caz left around 10? Maybe 10:30. She got me in SO much trouble because she ran out with my shirt on. Thanks Caz. My parents think she's an immature kid and on that display of behaviour; I don't blame them. She did run through my front room and then shout to her dad "drive! drive!", which they heard. Anyway, on going back up, the lights were off, which created a really emo atmosphere especially since Brand New was in the background. Sam was on the PC chair, Dave on the floor, I went and sat on the sofa, Rach was lying on it whilst Graham and Charlie were on the bed. Those positions were like that for most of the night and when Sam left to go home. Errr, except when Dave left the room then Charlie went out with him. Graham moved to somewhere, don't remember where. Me and Rach took the bed because we raced for the big pillow. I ended up getting there first, but I shared it with her and she laid on my arm. We kinda lay together and I was actually pretty comfortable; don't know why. Could have been because of the girl, the pillow, the bed, the position but I was so comfortable I fell asleep within 5 minutes. I woke up like 10 minutes later to find Charlie sitting on the black PC chair (yes "My Light" was based on this, only Marriott was added it to make the poem work) and Graham was on the sofa whilst Dave lay on the floor. Then Charlie asked Rach what the time was to which Rach replied "5 past 11 - what time do you need to be home?" Charlie said "not much later than that, if possible, please". So Rach phoned her dad. Her dad came 10 minutes later at quarter past and Graham was going to. Everyone was emo saying goodbye. Blah. Oh, I forgot to mention, she wore my shirt again and she looks uber hot in it! I want to pull the shirt off THAT well. :( I walked them out. Me and Charlie shared a nice hug in my porch which kinda gave me the impression she was sad - but I had nothing to support that. Went up to Dave. He confided a bit to me and gave up the PC quite easily. I chatted to Charlie until she went at 2am. Me and Dave watched P&P from then onwards. He went to bed at 2:30am. Err, I phoned Caz. Don't remember what we talked about - not very interesting and probably Marriott or "someone else" based. Went to bed at 3:30am...

My Light.

We're here alone and it's late at night,
I'm scared but you're my light.
Everyone's around and he's crying.
She's the reason, inside he's dying.

She sits there, occupying my seat.
Is it just me or can you feel the heat?
He'd given his heart once, maybe twice,
Even after he made his promise to Christ.

He moved on to the one who just left,
He stole her heart and got accused of theft.
There's still one more who's on the black chair,
She's beautiful, with long blonde hair.

The music slowly plays and she pays a little attention,
Whilst I just sit here wishing she'd show me some affection.
We're here together and it's late at night,
But I'm not scared because you're my light.


What ya think? :P

Her Reputation Exceeded My Expectation

Verse 1
I opened my door and there was something above my expectation,
A pretty girl with something of a reputation,
Maybe four months ago I'd have let her in,
But not this time, I never did like sin.

Chorus
The times have changed and you want me now,
I'll tell you this, you're nothing short of "wow".
But it's too late for you to have me back,
I may be stupid but I'm not going back to that.

Verse 2
I used to spend so many nights wanting you,
Did you know that I thought my time was due?
You told me that you we could get it on,
But instead, I shut the door and wrote this song.

Chorus

Verse 3
I gave up my best friend and whatever else I had,
Poor guy, my dad loved that lad.
You didn't much care though, he meant nothing,
I threw him away, never knowing he meant something.

Middle 8
Did you know I was once thought I was in love?
Not now, I got hit from above.
So, I hope you end up broken and poor,
That'll bring you down from your elevated floor.

Chorus x 2

You missed your chance to have me,
I was so blind, so glad that now I can see...


Be cool to find out what you guys think.

I think this is sweet, bit up myself to think that of something I said, but ah well.

Me: You should have come to Bishopshalt, blah.
Charlie: Why?
Me: I miss you during the week and our school pwns yours.
Charlie: You can't miss me during the week, because you've never experienced me during the week!
Me: Tell that to my heart on a Friday night...

'Tis true.

Think I should say sorry to you guys.

I'm sorry for the lame, short entries lately. The one about Saturday and my weekend should be uberly long. I hope. I'll do it when I get in tomorrow, starting at 4pm. I can't run on past 5:30pm. I have decided I will phone Caz, do my timed Philosophy essay, do my English essay and "revise" for my timed English essay. I had a great weekend, so you get the general twist of my blog entry to come. Well, it was great starting at 7:35pm. I saw someone and my heart lit up...

Take my quiz.

Have fun, it's pretty hard. =P

I'm not upset?

Give me something to believe in... says:
See, I'm so upset I'm making typos like crazy.
Please take away it all, leave an empty void into which i can fall says:
:P please, im ok now
Please take away it all, leave an empty void into which i can fall says:
now i no ur not upset

I don't get it...I was upset. o.0



=P

Well, how do I feel? Cold, actually.

Well, I'm pretty cold, as you know. I don't know why, so don't ask. Although, I bet one of you will. No, none of my windows are open and haven't been for the past hour and a half. It's an internal coldness, which totally blows. I could put a jumper on if it was external, but noooooo! So, blah.

On Marriott.

I've been SO harsh on this guy lately and I felt the need to blog on what I'm going to do now. Basically, I'm going to heal our friendship but I will not make it a one-way thing. If I phone him, I expect to be phoned in the near future. If I text him, I want a text back. What I would like from him is to sign up to Blogger (sound familiar?). Me and him might never have the friendship we once had, which I do miss, but we can still be good friends and I'll settle for that.

[/love]

Writing a poem now. Probably about hate and death. We'll see what flows.

Teh army day!

Okay, so the day began at 6:30am. It was so odd - I felt alive! I walk downstairs and into the kitchen in my boxers, got some orange juice and then walked back up. My mum and our guest, just watched on. Heh. Actually, we spoke and I said "good morning" to both. So, I drunk my orange juice then went back into bed. Mum and guest left house around 6:40am and I was curious why our guest had left so early. Anyway, I jumped into the shower, used my cool "tropical fruit" shampoo, finished shower, woke dad up, went upstairs, put laptop on and changed clothes. I decided to wear jeans, my "Rock The Vote" t-shirt and a thin FCUK jumper. Went to check on dad again, ate some parma ham(yay!), went on the laptop and if my memory serves me correctly, nothing interesting was going on. Went to buy newspaper, done my hair and then got my last minute things together.

I felt kinda scared and rather reassured that I would die on this day out with the army. I don't know, but something inside of me was strongly saying "you're going to die". Anyway, I wasn't TOO scared or anything, death's not all that scary.

Anyway, dad gave me a lift to school - 7:40am and I was early. =O Louise Green looked hot, Kudeza was there, Sophie looked pleasant and Danielle looked pretty hot. But, they don't look as good as they used - poor boy. *pities self* You know, I can still find them attractive, yet I clearly still like Charlie. It's so interesting how that's possible. I can't explain it, so don't even ask! Marriott was running late and I was thinking to myself "please come, you're my best friend here". So around 7:50, he showed up. We then got asked to vote and I voted for Communist Party. Not entirely sure why, but oh well. So, we boarded the coach and I sat next to Marriott - predictably. On the way there, I showed him my poem. He thought it was good and said he was stealing it for a song. I was cool with that. I drew this guy hanging himself from a tree on the coach's window. Ali then wrote "gay" and an arrow pointing at me. -_- Lame. Slightly later in the journey, I showed Marriott my e-mail to Charlie. He said that was "very well written" and I said that I wished I could write like that in my exams. =P That got me thinking about her again - smart idea, Aaron. Don't remember mine and Marriott's conversation to the army place, for obvious reasons. Oh, I text Dave asking him what he thought of my poem and he said he's going to steal it for a song. So, it should be cool having Dave and Marriott work on that. Got army place around 9:10am.

The place had some guy at the gate with a gun - OoOoOoOo. There was also a sign saying "Bikini Alert Zone"...WTF?! Whatever. Went and put some army thing on which was called an "over-all"(sp?). Then we went in and saw a slideshow on what the army does. I am never going, so I didn't really give it a shit. Oh yeah, we had been assigned into team a or b. I was originally in team a with quite a few decent people like Kieran, Louise, Danielle and Joumana but Joumana wanted to go into A and I wanted to go with Marriott, so I switched with her. After the slideshow, we got our water proof jackets and went to put our valuables away. About 9:45 by now. We were going to do problem solving activities first. Yay. :-/
We teamed up with some other people who were cadets apparently. Most were going into the army this year - 1 in July, 1 in August, 1 in September and another in November. We piled into a mini bus and it stunk. Got used to it, but it only had 8 seats. The girls took those and I rotted in the back with the guys - Niraj, Ali, Rob and Marriott. Our fast problem when we got there was to get this box across a "river" using some rope and three poles of wood. Our teams had already split into two - so B was in 2 halves. But, then the lot who did the problem with me, split again and we had a team on both sides of the river. We had like 6 pieces of rope, for anyone who was like "HOW MANY PIECES OF ROPE DID YOU GET?" The task took us 20 minutes and I did nothing - wahoo! Task 2; get a barrel out of a square without tipping us over. We failed and I honestly do not care. Got to have a look at the tank nearby. Nothing special - stunk of sweat, had a massive Rolls Royce engine, it got started and we had a group photo on there in which I probably look like a n00b. Oh yeah, the girls in B; Kudeza, Bonita, Shonagh, Saranjeet, Sheista(sp?) and some other people. I REALLY can't be bothered to think about it. Oh yeah and Amy. I don't like her - loud mouthed, smoking slag. o.0 Wow - outburst. :-S So, we ended up sitting down on the ground and talking. It was like 12:05 and we were dying for lunch...I should have had more than ham! *sobs* Time went by so slow. Lunch was at 12:45pm, for anyone wondering. We got transport at 12:40 and off to the food, we were!
It was rice and "chilli con carne", according to Rob. It was yummy, warm and I had two servings. Hah, damn you Veggies! *laughs* I enjoyed my lunch mainly with Rob and Ali, alongside a few cups of juice.
After like an hour of lunch, moved onto the demolition stuff! Wahoo! Walked there and B was split in two, again. My group were 2nd so we got taught about a machine gun. We were offered the opportunity to have an empty shot on it, but I refused. I never want to handle a gun - loaded or not. That really didn't last long, so we just talked about random stuff as a group after - some of the cadets were with us too, so that was cool. We saw the other group coming up after being gone for like 20 minutes. Then we heard 9 LOUD explosions the first one made my heart skip a beat but I sure as hell wasn't alone. The group even vibrated. Oooo... Then my group went to do that stuff. We were taught how to enable plastic explosives to be explosive - by giving them more explosive power and having a detonator. The plastic explosives smelt like crayons, which reminds me; I must blow up some crayons. Anyway, we went up the slope and waited for our explosions. We had bigger ones. Yay! Ali's sounded the biggest and made the ground shake the most - because he'd put it face down. So, it blew up downwards instead of upwards. Blah.
Around 2:20pm, we went onto the assault course. We went through this thoroughly, and there were 7 parts.
1st = Going under a half a metre pole.
2nd = Jumping on top of a bar, resting out stomach and then doing a roll whilst gripping it.
3rd = Climbing an 8ft wall.
4th = Jump a ditch with water in.
5th = Climb a 6ft wall.
6th = Walk up a ramp (which was the length of a brick), go over a small gap and then jump at the end onto sand.
7th = Walk up a HUGE ramp and then jump. The fall seemed huge!

Team A raced team B and surprise, surprise Team A won. I wasn't last so don't blame me. =P I got hurried to run near the end though, because I started walking back. Why the fuck did it matter? I had like 7 people still to come. Off home we were! Yay!

First, we went back to where we ate. Got a certificate, a pen and then some photos of us were taken. pwnage. I'm next to Danielle and Marriott, and above Louse. All by chance. Heh. So, got on the coach and I was knackered. I nearly fell asleep early on, but didn't. Danielle did and she looked cute sleeping. Sophie fell asleep too and then Marriott. I felt like licking him, but thought not. :D Seto fell asleep, as well. Don't know/care about anyone else. So, a muted journey back was what I had so you can imagine my relief when we got back to school dead on 5pm. I parted with Marriott, walking out of school with Ali. I parted at the bottom of the hill, because I was too lazy to go the long way JUST for Ali. Don't remember what I did. Err...Charlie text me apologizing for not sending me anything all day. 'Twas cool, just felt lonely. Started getting ready around 5:40pm; showered, put jeans on, ironed top and put some eau de toilette crap on. Then I went online and it was like 6:15pm now. Thought Caz would be there in 15, she came in 20. Missed 2 calls from Graham - music was on and phone was on silent.

So, Caz gave me a lift to Swakeleys, along with Graham to Charlie's thing. We waited outside and there were quite a few people. So, went in. There were 5 of them. Basically, it was about there always being a problem in society; a problem with acceptance. They covered racism with MLK's speech, homeless people, anorexia, people thinking they need plastic surgery and other stuff. OR, I may have complete misunderstood the whole thing. The racism bit brought me close to tears - it was pretty emotive. Basically, the piece was fucking fantastic and I thought that they were all awesome. Well done! At the end, I got a thank you for providing them with MLK's speech and I was so surprised/embarassed. Everyone turned around too because I was at the back. Blah, so glad I'm black because no-one saw me blush! Wahoo! So, after the show, Charlie came out to hug us all. I got two! Yay. Her letoard wasn't anything special tonight, so I didn't waste any time stroking it. =P Got another hug off her after she's changed into her NFG top. Umm, chatted VERY quickly. Hugged again before she left.

I was kinda quiet and I think it's because I was still quite affected my their drama piece. I was appreciating my friends and stuff. Man, I love some of them to pieces.

Anyway, walked out with Graham and Caz - Dave and Rach had already started walking up to meet her dad. Charlie passed us but then ended up coming back because she forgot her phone. :D Met Dave and Rach, Caz's mum came, went home. I was gonna phone Charlie, but text her first. She was eating. I tried again a bit later, 8:15 and she'd JUST finished. Perfect timing! Anyway, we had a cool convo but it was cut short at 9pm. Now, I thought this was her parents wanting her to be off the phone. Dave then got annoyed at me for being online AND being on the phone. So he got pissed and blocked me. Great - one of my best friends pissed off at me. Then I found out Charlie didn't get off the phone because of her parents, she'd promised Graham he could phone her. So meh, I was pretty down, but I already went onto Caz about this and I'd hate to just rant about it again. Basically, I felt pretty low at my best friend being pissed off at me, then for being ditched on the phone.

However, every story has a happy ending...or not. Dave unblocked me and he just dropped the whole thing - yay! I won't do it again. I hope. :-X Chatted to Charlie, Caz, Emily and him online. No uber conversations. The conversation with Jane was pretty cool. Wub you Jane. :P Me and Dave normally have pwnage conversations but we were both rather bored and I was SO tired. Dave left at 10, Charlie a bit later and Caz left at some time. She rang me, though. So it was cool. Didn't do anything productive with my evening. Fell asleep on the phone to Caz and here I am now.

End.

I wrote this last night, but I don't have a title.

You look at his room and you see the pain,
But he’s not there, all you hear is the rain.
The situation’s beyond help and repair,
All he can do is pray in despair.
She wonders why his heart’s so broken,
Isn’t it obvious? He left himself open.
Everyone thinks all he needs is a prayer,
But how would they know? Only she was there.
He stays awake thinking at night;
“How the hell can I win this fight?”
Little does he know that he had the win,
Too late now, he may as well die in sin.
At sixteen, life was a ball,
By seventeen, he’d lost it all.
How can anyone understand his torment?
No-one can, she just got up and went.
The clouds float and stare,
Whilst he hangs himself there.

There could be a hidden meaning behind this, Dave'll have to tell you. He knows all.

I'm going to die today.

If I do die, I've left a set of my PC passwords on my desk. Bleh. I'd like everyone I know to be e-mailed of my death. Errrr, there's no will or any special messages but I love you all. If this is goodbye, I'll see you in Heaven. I hope.

By popular demand.

I shall post my e-mail to Charlie:

Title: I know it's not what you wanna hear, but I have to get it out, anyway

Well, there's something I wanna tell you. I'm sure you already know or whatever but I think I need to just say it, so I know you know for definite. Basically, I fancy you. I don't like the term "fancy", to be honest but it best describes how I feel. The term just seems to say "I fancy you purely because of your physical appearance". Whereas I do find you attractive for your physical looks, the way you are on the inside just amazes me. I'll explain below.

However, I'm going to diverse here. If you didn't know, I'll address some questions you probably have.
1. You fancy me?! How long?! Since when?!
For the last 6 and a half months, since this middle of October.
2. Who knows?! Am I the last to know?
Well, naturally, Dave knows but he wasn't first to know. Don was, the guy from Canada. He was probably the closest person to me back then - we used to be pretty close, but not now. He works and stuff. Caz was 2nd to know - at the beginning of November. I told Dave around the middle of March. Rachel found out a few days after that, he told her - not me. Marriott found out the day after Dave. Sam found out a week after Marriott. And, I broke the news to Graham about 2 weeks ago.

I'm not actually sure what other questions to address, so just ask. Although, I think most will be answered in the rest of this e-mail.

I should probably have done this in person, and you may be thinking the same but I still think this e-mail was a better idea. I can put down everything on my mind and I won't feel awkward/nervous. I also won't forget what I want to say. Well, I may but that's not the point. =P I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to tell you face-to-face.

So, what do I like about you? This must be a burning question, or something. Probably isn't but blah. I really like you for several reasons. Sure, you're really attractive on the outside and stuff, but your personality is out of this world. Oh, and your hair; it's wonderful. It always smells nice and it looks great. The black-ness gives you a look of awesome-ness. You've got a fantastic figure too. I won't go on a tangent about this, you'll think I'm a pervert or something. I don't want to be perceived like that but you have a really great figure. Oh, and you have really soft skin that rocks! Anyway, your intrinsic qualities rule. I think you've got this awesome personality. You're really sweet, you always try to think good of people and you're just genuinely loving/caring. For example, you still try and think good of people, even if they've done something to hurt you or something. Even when I called Marriott an ass earlier, I wasn't being totally serious but you still defended him. Always see the positive side. I know this might seem a bit too deep or whatever, but you also seem like the perfect person to marry. You've got all the right qualities, in my view; you're sensitive, kind, loving, caring, positive, affectionate and other great stuff. I'm sorry if that seems a bit too deep, but it's just what I think.

I hope you're alright with all this. I don't have much more to say. I know you've been stressed and I know that this e-mail doesn't help you in any way. I guess this e-mail just adds more pressure/stress onto you, right? Only logical that it would, I have been a bit deep and I'm sorry for anything that I've said that may have upset you. I don't want you to feel this e-mail is a desperate plea of "GO OUT WITH ME OR I'M GOING COMMIT SUICIDE!" That is definitely not what I intended, anyway. I just wanted to get myself out and help you understand how I feel.

Well, I had better be drawing this to a close. I'm sure you just want to hit that "reply" button and say something to me. Firstly, I'd just like to say I really hope this doesn't mess up our friendship. You're my best friend and I do not want to lose our friendship over this. I don't see how we would, Jane and Bingley match up perfectly. =P Sorry, that must make you feel awkward. But on the topic, when I said you were Jane I thought "hang on a second, I'm like Bingley!" Destiny is being shown through Pride and Prejudice. =P Basically, I'm sorry for this burden but I want you to know I deeply care about you.

Love,
Aaron

x

Comments are appreciated.

Weekend Continued(Sunday) and Monday - "What's the point?"

Sunday
Well, did nothing all day. Actually, I did. I did some revising, tidying and game playing. Oh yeah! Around 12, Charlie invited me to Court Park. I would have loved to have gone, but I wasn't allowed. My mum is a bitch! But then, at 8:30, the guys came round after church. The guys consisted of Rachel, Caz, Dave, Marriott and Charlie. The night was cool. I took the bed with Charlie and Rach. Marriott took the sofa. Caz and Dave floated around. I had to play Mario Kart with my arms around Charlie, and I was doing so badly! =O Dave thought I was trying to let her win - I honestly wasn't! =P So, after Mario Kart, me and her just relaxed on the pillow. She smells so nice, so does her hair. Oh yeah, she stole my bright green shirt. AGAIN. =O It suits her better than me. *sigh* Oh, about this night! It could have so been a couples night; Dave and Rachel, me and Charlie, Caz and Marriott. Perfect, non? Well, it didn't happen but it would have been nice.

Oh, something I'm considering right now. If Charlie said she'd go out with me, would I turn that down for Dave to be given a chance to go out with Rachel? Hmmm, I'll ponder on that thought.

Anyway, Rachel stole my pink shirt and Caz stole my orange one, which wasn't ironed. They all look better in my shirts than me. :( Rachel was rather off and I think that affected a certain someone. She went back to her old days when she started piling crap from around my room onto Marriott. Attention seeking? I think so. Anyway, yeah. When Charlie had to go I wouldn't let her go, I didn't want her to go. Kinda desperate of whatever, I know but I don't much care what you think. ;-) Don't much remember what happened after that, but Dave slept the night and he went to sleep at 2. I stayed up 'til 3 but I don't even remember what I was doing.

Monday
I helped dad in the garden - I raked up the grass; yay. Caz came round for "SAT revision". She didn't bring her stuff, which made stuff difficult. Me and her just chatted, it was cool. I tidied the room up ever so slightly. We walked Tilly to Q8 park and had a cool convo. Um, went back to mine and around 4, I went online to talk to Dave. Sam came to mine about 4:40, then Dave around quarter past. I think, anyway. We just lazed around debating what to do and the idea of going to the cinema was suddenly brought up. Caz left about 5:45. I asked Charlie if she could come and she said not unless someone could give her a lift because her parents were drunk. I don't like them much, they're really rude and nasty to her. So I told her there was no way that could happen. Anyway, me, Sam and Dave left mine and my dad was there. So genius idea pops into head and next minute, he's giving us a lift. I called Charlie to tell her to get ready and she was like "omg! thank you hunny". Heh... Anyway, got there, picked her up, went to cinema and got there at 13 minutes past. Bought tickets - still no Caz. She came whilst I was lining up for my ice blast. Oh wait, we bought tickets for "A Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy". Seating was like this:

Dave | Sam | Charlie | me | Caz

Around half way through the film, me and Charlie started messing around. Nothing too noisy or distracting, just playful pokes and I played with her hair a bit. Oh! She has such soft cheeks, and a soft stomach. I might have embarassed her now, but it's true. =P Anyway, the film was cool. Marvin the robot freakin' rocks! When the film had finished, it was 8:25 and it was still bright! We walked back to mine. At mine, me, Dave and Sam played a 30 minutes Smash Bros. Melee match and then a 5 minute one with Sam was what I played. I regret that now, wish I'd of spent my time better. I lost, severely. Blah. Charlie and Caz, along with Dave, got picked up at 9:50pm. :( Stayed up until 2am, wrote the e-mail until 1:30am and spoke to someone until 2. Didn't drift off until 2:15 - 2:30am, had her on the mind. Blaou...

Thought I'd Post This.

I can actually be 100% honest on this blog now because everyone who reads this now knows who I'm attracted to. pwnage. Yay! Honesty rocks.

Her reply.

Yeah, she replied as you can guess. So, here it is...


Actually, you're not getting it - ha ha! =P Basically, though, we're staying as friends and nothing's changed. I'm not upset - I'm just dandy. :)

Well, she knows.

I just e-mailed Charlie about how I feel and stuff. I'm actually quite nervous. I don't know why, I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way. I should be depressed and emo-tional. I guess I'm nervous because I hope that it doesn't ruin anything. I'll update with what she said. I might post the e-mail I sent. Maybe.

The entry that was supposed to be new.

The slightly odd life of me: The weekend, with me going on a tangent occasionally.

That's the new entry. Enjoy the read.

"Cold and shivering, broken and withering"

I'm cold and I'm shivering. I'm not really broken, nor is anything inside of me. A few people have showed me how much they trust me - don't ask if you're on of them. If there's something you didn't tell me, but feel you should of, then be confident that I trust you very, very little. I'm deliberately aiming this at one person, but probably more of you - only thing is, I'm 100% sure about one of you. I need to reassess my best friends, if that's any more help. Heh.

Pride and Prejudice has been a major talking point of late. I've assigned characters to nearly all of us.

Bingley = Me(Aaron).
Jane = Charlie.
Darcy = Dave.
Lady Catherine = Rachel.
Colonel Forster = Sam.
Lydia = Caz.

The others like Wickham and Mr Bennet are unassigned. I suppose Marriott could be Mr Collins. For one reason; flippant with girls. I'm in a bad mood, btw. That's why I've picked on you again, Marriott. I'm still annoyed you lied to me and haven't joined blogger.

Errr, that's about all I want to say in this entry. I do have another ready to come after this; just wanted to get a quick blog entry.

The weekend, with me going on a tangent occasionally.

Friday night: I invited Dave, Charlie, Rach and Caz round. Charlie bailed because her parents wouldn't let her out, or something. Rach and Dave came round(6:15ish) but my mum said they couldn't come in until I'd walked the dog. So, the three of us walked Tilly. We went through the mid-way point on my road, around the council estate place, back through this road which passes past the incinerator - which we shouldn't have taken because it's only for "authorized vehicles" and buses and then we went back to mine. We messed around whilst Caz was running late as usual. Sam came around 7:30. Caz came about 8. Nothing special happened, it all honesty. Where was everyone else, is probably something you're wondering about. Actually, I bet you don't give a shit. But anyway; Graham was at his grand father's 70th thing at a pub where he met Charlie's parents, who were keeping her in. I don't even get why she wasn't allowed out - they weren't in and Kariss wasn't in! Blah, the stupidity and repression of parents is annoying. I stayed up until the early morning chatting to Charlie and Graham. Graham and me ended up arguing about space to leave at a petrol station then he blocked me; lame is the only way to describe him blocking me. Me and Charlie had a really nice conversation. Yay...Ended up going to bed at 25 minutes past midnight.

Saturday: Woke up at 4:15am; I pretty much sprung up when my dad woke me up. We were going to Billingsgate Fish Market - yay! So, I got dressed and washed - ready by 4:30. We left then and I took my Philosophy text book as well as a PC mag. I read up on the ontological argument on the way there and it tries to prove the existence of God, saying that he is a necessity. Well, the argument isn't as strong as one would have liked. But Hume didn't criticize it - it must have confused him too much! Ha ha, Hume sucks. Got to fish market and it's cool. You see all the moving stuff and the big fish. Dad bought 4 salmon, 2 boxes of prawns, 1 box of Seabass and something else. Blah. On the way back, I read my PC mag. Pretty cool, just read up on PC protection and stuff. Got home(7:05), played some FIFA matches and won 2 and then drew the 3rd. So I went to sleep around 7:40. I ended up waking around 10:40. *yawn*But something cheered me up, that I knew would happen today. =P So, I showered, ate, talked to mum and some other stuff I don't remember. Caz was running late for meeting me. . Sam rang me at like 11:35 and was like "where the hell are you?" He, along with Caz, thought I said I'd be at his at 11:30. Nuh uh, I said it depended on when I got up, which depended on how tired I was. So, I told Graham around 11:37 to come to mine ASAP

So, Graham came and then straight after, Caz came. You could tell Graham was depressed, or I could. Or he was pissed off with me - but I didn't care; I was still happy. Got a lift to Sam's, then the four of us got a lift to Marriott's. He was slightly late in getting ready. Left his at 12. Walked to Charlie's and as usual, she was running late. :P We went in and sat on her sofa, just chillin'. :D She was ready around 12:10. Her mother offered us a lift, but we declined because walking is good for you. We went onto Ryefield, which led onto the "first" Sweetcroft, then we took a left at the end onto the "second" Sweetcroft.

That took us straight into Uxbridge. We first went to the Natwest bank, through The Chimes. Oh, btw Mark was running late so Caz was glad she wasn't super late in meeting up with him. We got in around 12:45, btw. Probably later. I drew out £250 - £50 for me, £200 for father. Graham took some money out. I still think all students should get EMA, or no-one at all. It's not fair, and I will continue to moan about it. So in Uxbridge, we went to Game, then Gamestation. Then Mark phoned Caz to say he was in. Caz and Charlie ran ahead - but me, Sam, Marriott and Graham had finished in GameStation so we followed. They met him, then went into WestOne whilst Mark came to us. This is Mark Pesket from "Hope" that I'm talking about, btw. The guys(me, Marriott, Sam, Mark and Graham) went into CD Warehouse. Graham bought something and Sam bought Tron. Oh yeah, Graham bought a Finch album. We went to find the girls when we left but no sign of them was to be found. Ended up waiting 10 minutes outside CD Warehouse. In that time, me and Graham went into WHSmiths and bought two Cherry Cokes for £1.30 - bargain. :P So, I don't remember much of Uxbridge, so I'll pick up on what I do remember. We went to H&M, where Charlie and Caz went in to do something. Oh yeah, Charlie bought a new top from somewhere and apparently it was "impulse buying". Yeah....Whatever. =P Anyway, Marriott left us outside H&M.

I'll go on a small tangent here. He was cool today, polite all round but nothing much changes. Quite flirty with Caz. Oh new tangent! He fancies her, but doesn't want to go out with her. SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME! If someone wants to come back at me with "because Carol told him not to date her". I'm going to throw this back at you "it has nothing to do with her!". Just like Dave and Rachel is NONE of her business. She's like "anti-relationship bitch"! And I am not being guided by the Devil, okay?! Grrr. [/tangent 1]

Onto Dixons we moved. I had a quick look around, Sam and Charlie waited outside on the rail. After like 10 minutes in there, we left. Went onto Burger King. Past Monsoon we went, and she was there.

Drop dead gorgeous, but is she my type? I don't think so. She seems a bit too needy. Yeah, yeah maybe I would like to satisfy her needs or whatever but I wouldn't like the responsibility. [/tangent 2]

Oh, yeah, at some point (2:20), we went to see Dave. I bought some shampoo and conditioner that's tropical fruit and it smells sooooo nice! Anyway, yes.


On our way to Bugger King, I went into The Entertainer to look at their lightsabers. It was £20 and pretty lame, so I left it. So, in Burger King, there was a table which was taken. I put my bag down on the corner. Then Charlie sat down, along with Mark and Graham. Mark and Graham were next to each other with Charlie on other side. Me, Sam and Caz bought food. Mark and Graham gave me money to buy drinks for them, and then they filled up seats at the table! Thanks a lot! So me and Caz got a new table, next to them. SECOND time I've been pushed off a table and it's not even like they were all eating. Me and Caz had a text convo, blah. This was where Graham's emo mood was evident. Left there and don't remember what happened. Errr...yes. I remember walking past The Chimes Entrance where McDonalds is, then Charlie grabbed Caz and they went to talk near the entrance. Oh yeah, Mark left us at the station to go home. So, the girls were chatting for quite a while and they came back rather cheery. Wonder what they were talking about. =P Graham and Caz then caught a U3 home. This left me, Sam and Charlie. We set off heading for Sam's, but at St John's Church, decided to go to mine.

At mine, we just chatted about stuff. Sam left around 5:45, or something. Me and Charlie sat down talking about random stuff and Pride and Prejudice became a focus point. I tried to explain it to Charlie. Just gave the basics like Jane and Bingley fall in love but they go through a separation period and then their love is rekindled and they marry. I also told the Elizabeth and Darcy story. I then made comparisons between P&P characters and people in the group. I told Charlie that she's Jane, hands down. I guess I shall explain why for each person.

Okay, Jane = Charlie. Basically, Jane is the "most beautiful creature [Bingley has] beheld". She always has a positive outlook on life and refuses to think badly of people. Jane is also pretty sensitive and loving. Just matches, right?
Darcy = Dave. Darcy's very rich, and although Dave's not a millionaire, he does have more money than the rest of us in the group. Darcy starts off as "proud" and arrogant. Dave can seem that way to people who don't know him, but as the book develops, we see that Darcy is caring and loving. He genuinely loves Elizabeth, as does Dave with Rachel.
I'm Bingley, and I've had no arguments. Yet. Mrs. Dudley (my English teacher) first said it was the perfect match up. Bingley's caring and easy going. That explains him, basically. He loves Jane and doesn't betray her. You could call me up myself for thinking I'm like him, but whatever. Bingley is the guy with the second biggest sum of money in the book, and that's how I view myself within our circle of friends.
Lydia = Caz. Lydia is rash and ignorant at times. However, I do think Caz is changing and so, this could be a harsh comparison. Lydia ends up foolishly falling in "love" with Wickham(a crude guy who's purely after money, then wastes it all on gambling and women).
I haven't assigned Sam, Marriott, Graham and Rachel. Actually! Rachel = Lady Catherine. Thinks she's above everyone else. All I can think of. Graham wanted a character, so Wickham = Graham? o.0[/tangent 3]

I enjoyed that time with Charlie. She's really nice to just chat with and sit down with. We get on really, really well. Or I think that, anyway. So, Dave, Graham and Caz came about 6:25. We went to Sam's. I ended up being a loner for most of the way there - that is why I hate being in odd numbers. Sam's was okay. Lounged around watching the music channels, me and Charlie were messing around with each other's feet. Walked Lou Lou (sp?), Sam's dog, and we ended up going to Coney. Sam went to kick Lou Lou's ball and ended up kicking it, but falling over. Hehe... Some chavs were laughing in the graveyard. n00bs. They ended up coming out and throwing stuff at us. We jus ignored, and walked out. Towards mine was the direction. Charlie started hobbling on the way. :( Poor girl, must suck to have her joint problem. So, in mine, I got my GameCube because I was staying at Sam's. I took some controllers too. We just went straight back to Sam's, I think it was because of Charlie. I didn't mind, suited me.At Sam's, I took the one seater and the other positions we taken up by the rest. I saw a position available that I should have taken, bah at not taking it. Graham and Caz left at 10:30. I ended up moving onto the sofa when they left. Charlie leant on me, and we just cuddled up together. It was nice and warm. Sam's Nan came at 11 to take her away. Me, Sam and Dave tagged along. Sam went in front. When we got there, me and Sam got out. Me and her hugged, and I just didn't want to let go. I don't know why, but I thought something was going to happen to her and it slightly scared me. I let go though, because I thought she might think I was weird or something. Her and Sam then hugged and she went to her door. Me and Sam piled in again. She waited to wave at us when we passed her. And off to Sam's we went! Me and Dave were sleeping over, btw. We watched The Abyss first. I fell asleep half way through and woke up for the last 20 seconds where this man and woman were standing on water kissing. So, we had some food after. I woke up saying something funny which Dave laughed at, but I won't repeat. He thought I was still unconscious when I said it. :D Anyway, had toast with Lurpak. Mmmm! We played a 99 minute Smash Bros. Melee game; I was Marth, Dave was Link and Sam was Roy. Sam won with a score of +7, Dave got +2 and I got -37! Wahoo! I was tired and not concentrating - had something on the mind. Started watching Tron but I fell asleep and that was at 4am. End of Saturday.