Hung by the rope of life.
"You just don't get it do you? You just don't know how close I am to doing it, do you?"
posted by Aaron at 9:06 pm
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
About Me
- Name: Aaron
- Location: Middlesex, United Kingdom
I like anime and sci-fi and Warcraft and Japanese stuff and...yeah. Stuff.
Previous Posts
- I've lost the will to live.
- Thanks for the reminder.
- Oh yes...the username.
- Call my psychiatrist
- I am not addicted...I am not addicted...I am...add...
- Joke me something awful just like kisses on the ne...
- Bananas Only Originate Behind Seaweed
- Okay, so I'm a little creeped out.
- Okay, so there's a plus to Islam.
- Thanks, Em. =P
4 Comments:
Dude, you need help. And quick. Seriously, just talk to someone. Anyone. Please. Don't do anything stupid. You can get through this. You honestly can. We're all here to help you in any way we can. Just please try and help yourself. Don't give up. You mean so much to everyone, you honestly do, and I know you probably don't see that right now, because noone ever does, but it's the absolute truth. Think about what you said to me in the Summer, and say it to yourself. Friendships go through bad patches, you know that. But they also go through very very good patches. All of your friends care about you so so much. Noone can tell you what to do and I know that. In the end, it's your final decision. We can't stop you, as much as we would like to. But you'll realise eventually. You set a date and a time. And you go through the next few days thinking, 'that might be the last time I talk to her' or 'that might be the last time I ever see this place again' and then you get paranoid because the last things you say to people don't go how you would have liked them to go, or the last time you hugged that person, you didn't tell them how they meant the absolute World to you and how you were so sorry for everything. And then you've wasted your chance. Then the date and the time comes and you sit there and think about every single little thing that's fucked up in your life and you manage to blame yourself for every single little one of them. You're alone. There's noone to tell you that everything will be okay. Noone to tell you that you meant anything more to them than the dirt on the ground. So for the next 10 minutes, you just sit there crying your eyes out, feeling worse than you've ever felt in your life. And then you think about everything you didn't say to people that you wished you had. Everything that you'll never get to tell them. 10 minutes later you go to do whatever method you plan on using. And then watch as one of your mates comes round the corner and looks at you in the face. You're crying your eyes out. You're in the last few seconds of your so-called life. And then look at them. Look them in the eye and see the complete horror on their faces. Look them in the eye and say you're sorry. You've just caused one of your best mates, one of the worst things they will witness in their life. And it's all because of you. Then you'll realise that comitting suicide isn't the answer. But you know what? Who cares? It's all the same to you. What are you going to know about it? You're dead. Let the rest of them get on with their pathetic little lives, eh? Let them sit there and think they managed to kill their best friend. Think they murdered someone who they cared about. Then I'm sure you'll be very happy. You can look down on them and say to yourself 'Congratulations to me. I have just fucked up every single one of my friend's lives for good and I can't change it. I can't apologise. I have just made the biggest fucking mistake of my life.'
Trust me dude, I have got a lot closer than most people get without actually doing it. If it weren't for some friends of mine finding me you would never have known I existed. I know what it's like to be on both sides of the spectrum. One of my best mates killed themselves and I'll never forgive myself for it. Never ever. It was 4 years ago but I still think 'What if I'd done this?' or 'What if I'd said that?'. People don't forgive themselves. Everyone is here for you and we will all do our very very best to see that things get better for you.
*feels guilty* =/
[Edit on my first comment: 4 years = 2years]
Lol, don't feel guilty!! I was tired and just went off on a rant. BUT, it's the truth and everyone wants things to get better for you and we will all do anything we can to make that happen. We don't want to lose you dude, we really really don't. *hugs* =)
Dude dont do anything stupid your actually really cool, shame I managed to only become good friends (kinda) the year beofre you bugger off to uni =)
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